in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
