some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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