Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
