Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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