I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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