just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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