Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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