So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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