Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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