brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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