It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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