I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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