My hand turned me down
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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