And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
