What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
