Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
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