I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
