Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
