that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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