I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
