I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
