Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
