Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
