it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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