that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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