I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
