I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
try to milk me bitch
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