So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize