Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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