so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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