I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
