I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
