so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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