You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im part way to drunk.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
