It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
