its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize