Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
