i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
