I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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