I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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