Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
