pedialite and red bull = repair kit
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize