Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
