Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize