her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
