i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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