The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Randomize
