It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
