9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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