i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
