I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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