What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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