i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I am available for nakedness
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
