you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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