Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
