Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
