Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
