Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize