Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize