You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
