I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
