She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
