I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
