At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
