I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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