How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
