Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
