My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
