so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
