you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
