: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
