Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
