He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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