my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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