She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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