Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize