Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
