I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
last night I used snow as a chaser
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
