just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
