At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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