so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
