Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
