Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
