i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
