wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The air was thick with penises
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
