we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
