if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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