My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
