Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
