I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
