they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize