she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
