If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
