Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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