Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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