I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
