$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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