Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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